Cheney Weighs In

The early 2000s were a whirlwind of crazy. It was a simpler time. A Millennial youth’s childhood was defined by Kim Possible cartoons, low rise jeans, the Lord of the Rings films, Britney Spears auto-tuned songs, and vice president Dick Cheney. OK, most Millennials won’t remember Dick Cheney. But for those who do, he was the Bud Abbott to George Bush’s Lou – a cross between Darth Vader and the uncle who takes extra long showers on family day at the YMCA. In short, he was (and remains) an evil creepy fuck.

Dick Cheney has been buried balls deep in Republican politics since serving as a Congressional intern in 1969. As a Congressman he voted against the creation of the Department of Education, funding Head Start, and making Martin Luther King’s birthday a national holiday. He has unconditionally supported the fossil fuel industry, justified enhanced interrogation, was a CEO for Halliburton, and served as director of the Council on Foreign Relations. He may also be responsible for leaking CIA operative Valerie Plame’s identity to punish her husband, who had come out against the Iraq War. All in all, the guy is a complete and total cocksucker.

Which brings us to the “world is flat, water is dry” situation we find ourselves in today. In an interview on The Hugh Hewitt Show, Dick Cheney publicly spoke against President Donald Trump’s Muslim ban. No shit. The torture guy said the ban “goes against everything we stand for and believe in.” Let that sink in. Dick Cheney never gave a rusty fuck what anybody thought and left office in 2009 with a 63% disapproval rating. Seriously, Lord Voldemort would have a higher approval rating. And this is the guy who is rightly defending America’s promised values.

Shit. Maybe water really is dry.

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